1st place winner in CONTEST

My story starts almost from the beginning of my life, I have never been skinny, ever besides when I was first born at 7 pounds 6 ounces. When I was five years old I was diagnosed with congenital adrenal hyperplasia which means I started puberty early. Elementary school already sucked enough for most kids. I had boobs, I was taller than anyone else, I was a good 100lbs bigger than everyone else, bad acme and arm pit hair. Than I was put on steroids to control it which caused me to gain more weight. Many days I came home crying wanting to kill myself because I was made fun of all through out Elementary school. I live in a small hick town at the very edge of California so if youre not skinny, blond and decked out in American Eagle and youre a freak. I’d go into stores and people would just glare at me, like I was the ugliest most disgusting person on this earth. My mom would look down at me and say “They’re staring at you because youre beautiful.” Shed cut tags of maternity clothes, so I wouldnt be upset about wearing pregnancy clothes, I wore those stretchy maternity pants with no zipper. She changed my life, if I didnt have that I would have been another suicide you hear about on the news. I went through many phases trying to figure out who I was since everyone thought they had me figured out. I developed a sense of humor early, since I was always center of negative attention I thought making people laugh would distract from my fat body, that I hated. It did, in away in Jr. High was almost as bad as Elementary school but I had a few girl friends who had my back. But people would tell me how funny I am and than a second later go on about how Im a fat ass no one should date. It was very confusing times for me, cause they’d show me approve but at the same time reject me. I was in and out of the principals office all the time, just doing things for positive attention like make the teachers mad, and everyone would laugh, thats not a healthy way to live. Finally highschool rolled around, I went on a date or two, was still the “weird fat funny chick” but I started to love myself, and killing myself wasnt a thought anymore. I stopped wearing baggy clothes and started wearing colorful skinny jeans freshman year, all the older kids thought I was cool. I was on the tennis team for three years, being apart of a team, gives you so much confidence, it was like a sense of sisterhood and family, best times of my life. Than it eventually transformed from wearing tutus to cute baby doll dresses. I still would hear ignorant comments about my weight, but they have no power over me now. I was voted “Most Unique” my senior year, it meant a lot to me because I thought everybody looked at me as a nobody. I am blessed to be fat, because maybe I wouldnt be so damn funny, or be so happy, I have so much understanding and compassion for everyone I dont believe I would be like that if I was anything else but me, or wouldnt be so close to my family, or maybe I would have been one of those mean girls calling some awesome person a “Fat ass who no one could love”. Sometimes when people have easy lives, their personality isnt as badass as mine. I moved to SF for 6 months, really got into style than had crazy designs shaved into the side of my head, Id wear denim jackets with spikes on them and a cute red pencil skirt, was my look. Now Im at home going to school full time, working out with a trainer a few times a week and saving up to move to Portland to open up an alternative bakery once I finish school. Confidence is just one of those annoying things you have to work at for the rest of your life. Even faking your confidence attracts people to you, if you act like youre the best thing out there people will believe it. Than you will feel better about yourself cause you believe it too, since its true. Just never let anyone take your power away, because someone out their loves you and sees you beauty. My blogs wittle-nugget.tumblr.com, Im here if anyone needs advice or just someone to talk to.